If you’re like everyone else in the world, you’ve probably never wondered what kind of traps they sell at the PolyArmoury.
Well, wonder even less than that, dear friends, for I present to you on this day –
The PolyArmoury Sales Catalogue
Lair, Wallow & Further – Classic Traps for the Modern Dungeon Master.
The Pointymatic floor mounted, foot penetration device. 1000g
This isn’t just any spike floor trap, this is a self-resetting, self-cleaning, floor trap. 30 gnome-crafted, diamond tipped, Stabbatier oblisk blades are deployed at in a mere .25 of a second and can be ready to fire again in as little as 30 seconds. Perfect for when you’re visited by a single adventurer or a larger party.
The Swingmaster 760 1500g
This 300 lb, expertly designed swinging ceiling axe is a modern take on a dungeon protection classic. With a trigger you’ll swear is invisible to even the most keen eyed adventurer. This fine Stabbatier blade will swing down and cleave your enemey like an expert butcher.
Clean up is a breeze thanks to it’s patented quick detach system.
Guaranteed sharp for over a thousand uses*
The Rustic Collection Rolling Ball 750g
We all remember the great dungeons of yesteryear with great fondness. Some traps are truely timeless, and The Rustic Collection truely delivers with this classic – The Rolling Ball.
Make a dungeon your ancesters would be proud of, with one of the greatest hits of years gone by.
Triggered by a simple floor tile that will blend in with any dungeon flooring and ready to roll down any hallway to your specifications.
The Rustic Collection Dungeon Alarm 10g
Who has time these days for fancy alarms and traps that need to be reset after any low-level ranger has bumbled in?
For the busy dungeon master on the go, we present The Rustic Collection Dungeon Alarm. Expertly twisted twine stretches across your hallway and is connected to hand picked metal cans capable of alerting your minions within 30-60 feet.
Why pay more when you can pay smart?
The Lair, Wallow & Further Vertical Displacement Device 250g
This is gnome engineering at it’s finest. Perfect for hallways, treasure rooms, and even throne rooms. The Vertical Displacement Device will drop away to the void, lava pit, or hungry warg pen of your choice**
This isn’t just any trap door, this is the latest and most well oiled trap door you’ve ever set foot on, or your money back***
The Lair, Wallow & Further Springy Thingy 800g
Laugh maniacally for hours as you watch helpless adventurers catapulted backwards down hallways or into pits, with this drow-designed, gnome-crafted artefact of pure entertainment. The Springy Thingy can lift up to 600lbs and fling it up to 30 feet. On top of that, it can be ready to fire again in as little as 25 seconds.
The perfect addition to any dungeon on the up.
*In no way guaranteed.
**Void, lava pit, or hungry warg pen not included.
***Should you survive having set foot on it we in no way guarantee your money back.
Merkin the Aggy Wizard – Magical solutions to keep those filthy adventurers off your land.
MTAW Sticking Point 300g
We carve the finest binding runes into custom designed stone, to match your dungeon flooring. Once triggered it will hold a creature or adventurer of up to size “Giant” for up to 60 years.
Watch the filthy trespassers wither and die or torture them for as long as they live, in safety and comfort.
The Sticking Point is magic holding circle of choice for a new generation of dungeon owners.
MTAW Blow Off 450g
Who has time to cast gust of wind themselves? It requires concentration and beans. Let the magical artificers of Merkin The Aggy Wizard take care of that for you. Simply load legumes into the hopper and when triggered it will blast out a 60 foot x 10 foot blast of wind you don’t even have to think about.
Go on, blow your enemies today!
MTAW Eyes On The Prize 800g (includes 1 ball and mirror, additional balls 500g)
Whether you need to keep an eye on light fingered minions or watch for adventurers on the pillage, the Merkin The Aggy Wizard Eyes On The Prize crystal security ball is the arcane artefact for you.
Up to 64 can be connected to a beautifully designed magic mirror that would look at home in any throne room.
Simple gesture controlls allow you to switch views, zoom, or pan.
(Mirror available in silver plate or onyx effect finish)
MTAW Anti-magic Field 275g
Sometimes the best magical defence is denying them the use of magic at all.
Merkin The Aggy Wizard has you covered. These runes will block any magic use within 45 feet and mean you can get on with the business of a more martial disposal of your wand waggling enemies.
Simple to set up and available from stock today.
MTAW’s AWOL Wall 1750g
Never mind trapdoors, pits, prisons, or torture rooms. Merkin The Aggy Wizard presents: The AWOL Wall. Fitting seamlessly across any section of hallway, this one way portal to the deepest depths of the abyssal realm. An eternity of chaotic insanity awaits them beyond the veil, and they won’t even see it coming.
Say goodbye forever to all that annoy you and thanks to our new patented Fuckyoustaythere Runes(TM), you can be sure that nothing nasty will be slithering out of there or your money back*
Gruumch Praiser Designs – by Alestar the Quirky.
Big spinny blade wheel does a cutting.
Chop chop, much blood. You like.
Do a buy. We make good trap, yes!
Such trap, very decapitate, wow!
Floor Jaws 1270g
Gnash gnash. Like big doggo.
Take their hecking legs clean off.
Hahahaha. So much blood. Cut a troll even. You not believe, but true.
Do a test, you see. Maybe not do test yourself. Use minion.
Hahahaha. Blood make Gruumch happy.
Squirtytronics – Spray the prey away.
Squirtytronics have been making wall mounted spray traps for over 700 years. We pride ourselves on our fine heritage of producing only the best in professional dungeon protection devices. They may come a little expensive, but you can rest safe in the knowledge that you’ve got the highest level of protection where you need it most.
The complete Squirtytronics range includes:
The Dragon’s Throat 2000g
A 30 foot blast of scortching fire that will leave your enemy a charred mess and reset in under 40 seconds.
Nature’s Vomit 1700g
Up to 20 foot coverage of poisoned mist leaves even the hardiest of adventurers incapacitated in as little as three actions.
Tundra Breath 1950g
Feel the chill wind of this icy aperture. Can freeze even a dwarf solid in under 2 seconds and is ready for action again in another 60.
The Bile Duct 1700g
The finest acid ready to melt the skin off a troll at 35 feet. This is the connoisseur’s choice in spray trap technology.
Jilted Goblin – Precision, Style, Elegance.
AG724 Multiple Arrow Deployment Device 3500g
The AG724 is the finest, arrow wall defence mechanism known to the planner universe.
A precision engineered duplication device replicates 40 arrows in 25 seconds.
Gnome engineered, platinum grade clockwork micro-ballistas launch them up to 47.5 feet and automatically reset and reload to fire again.
Master wizards craft each sensory crystal to be sure that nothing can get by undetected or un-pierced.
CB6000 Adventure Flattening Device 5750g
The most highly skilled gnome craftsmen, trained for 50 years to produce the platinum grade clockwork mechanisms used to fashion this truly breathtaking dungeon defence device.
Only the finest materials are employed in the construction of the CB6000, to ensure that your enemies aren’t merely crushed, but cold-pressed under extreme pressure, to keep in all their nutrients.
When it’s decent is complete, it rises seamlessly back into a hand-crafted ceiling recess that is undetectable by all but the most critically observant.
Guaranteed to last as long as your dungeon should stand.
Eldritch Farms have been the choice discerning dungeon masters for years.
Our hand reared mimics are some of the most perfectly formed and vicious killers that money can buy.
Available in three sizes:
The Jewellery Box 500g
Perfect for taking off a finger or two.
The Petite Chest 1000g
Looks perfectly at home in the more demure treasure room.
Can comfortably eat an entire nothic, with room for goblin after.
The Casket Deluxe 2725g
This perfect specimen is raised to the highest standards and the perfect accompaniment for the most magnificent loot hordes across the underdark.
Very little would be left of even the sturdiest of ogres.